15 Things I Seldom Hear in Church

Many of us could write blog posts about surprising things we’ve heard in church. In fact, I’ve written at least one post along those lines. Here, though, are 15 things I’ve seldom heard in church in my 40+ years as a believer:

  1. “I planned to fall morally.” I’ve never met anybody who set out to fall into sin. As I’ve said before, we slide into a fall more often than leap into it.
  2. “Looking back, I really regret serving God.” I’ve never heard those words from someone who truly gave his or her life to God.
  3. “I got married with the intent of getting divorced.” Nobody I know has walked the marriage aisle assuming he or she would someday end the marriage. I do know many, however, who still got divorced.
  4. “I love singing songs I don’t know.” Regardless of one’s preferred worship style, I’ve not met many people who enjoy singing new hymns or choruses. Most of us prefer to worship with familiarity.
  5. “We love you enough to remove you from membership.” I’ve heard this one occasionally, but likely not enough if congregations are truly being New Testament churches.  
  6. “We can start small group early since everyone’s here on time.” It’s funny, you know – churches are often deeply concerned about ending on time, but they don’t worry much about starting on time.
  7. “I don’t mind it when your boring preaching is also long.” I’m sure you hear two points here. I’ve never heard anyone appreciate boring preaching, and I’ve certainly never heard anyone affirm long boring preaching.
  8. “I hope we send out more people than we keep here.” Some younger leaders are beginning to speak this language, but not many.
  9. “I want my pastor to speak more about money.” If anyone says this, it’s usually the church treasurer….
  10. “I’m praying that the Lord will call my children and grandchildren to the mission field.” It’s one thing to dedicate a baby to the Lord when he’s in your arms; it’s another matter to let him go when he’s grown up.
  11. “To free up room for guests, I’ll sit on the front row.” Many people would rather stand than sit in the front.
  12. “I pray regularly that the enemy will not win in the lives of our pastors.” Too many church members recognize the reality of spiritual warfare in their pastors’ lives only after a pastor has fallen.  
  13. “I grieve when we don’t see people saved through our church’s ministry.” We may rejoice when people do get saved, but we don’t match our rejoicing with grief when nobody’s getting saved.
  14. “I really don’t like baptisms.” I don’t know anybody who doesn’t get excited (even a little) when a new believer illustrates his or her faith by baptism.
  15. “If I’m honest, I don’t read the Bible or pray much.” If more people would be honest here, perhaps our churches would do a better job of discipleship.   

What would you add to this list?

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