12 Guidelines for Dating Purity

I work with young adults, many who are singles who are dating or considering dating. When they ask my advice about dating and purity, here’s what I tell them:

  1. Don’t date a non-believer. You should date only someone you might marry, and the Bible speaks against marrying non-believers (2 Cor 6:14) – so don’t take a step in the wrong direction by dating someone who doesn’t follow Jesus.
  2. If you intend to be a strong believer, date only another strong believer. I have seldom seen a strong believer positively influence a weak believer in a dating relationship without much confrontation and difficulty. I have, though, seen multiple times when the stronger believer becomes weak.
  3. If your parents are Christian, honor them by making right choices. Show them how much you respect their standards by living up to what they expect.  
  4. View your date first as a brother or sister in Christ created in God’s image. When you see the other person as a creation of God first, a fellow believer second, and a date third, you’ll treat that person in a godly way.
  5. Especially early on in the relationship, do group dates only. I know this guideline might seem strange, but alone time can quickly become dangerous time. Guarding your purity matters if you’re a follower of Jesus.
  6. Pray at the beginning and end of every date. Start and end the date with God. When you do that, it’s tougher to do sinful things during the date. 
  7. Set clear physical guidelines up front. I’ve known couples who determined not to do anything more than hold hands until they married. That seemed odd at the time, but there’s wisdom in such a commitment. Whatever your commitment is, allow no room for physical touching you would not do if Jesus were in the room – because He is. 
  8. Plan some dates wrapped around the gospel and church. You’ll learn how committed your date is to the gospel if you spend time together doing God’s work. 
  9. Know that God won’t bless an ungodly relationship. Why should He? He blesses those who walk with Him, not those who rebel against Him. 
  10. Think long-term rather than short-term. If you sin physically, know that you’ll carry the memory of that sin the rest of your life. Realize that it’ll be more difficult to challenge your own kids to be pure. The consequences of your actions will be costly. 
  11. Be accountable to someone for your godliness. That godliness includes your physical relationship, but it’s much more than that. It’s making wise choices in what you do and where you go. It’s speaking only godly words and taking only godly actions on a date. It’s modeling Jesus in front of your date. 
  12. If you mess up physically, immediately repent, confess, and put up stronger walls. It happens, but it’s always sin. If you don’t stop after the first time, the pattern can quickly become controlling.

What other advice would you give for dating purity?

8 Comments

  • “Getting serious” should lead to marriage not cohabitation

  • Darrell Morgan says:

    Great post. Totally agree. Passing this on to my boys and our church.

  • Chuck, I am a regular follower of your work and I’m consistently impressed with your post. What an awesome and purpose-driven look at dating. Keep up the great work.

  • Jeannette says:

    Thank you!! Two questions regarding #1… My youngest daughter was born without a growth hormone, thus, everything mental and physical have come slower. She is 20 now. I have no idea if she is a christian or not because, when I ask, she tells me she asks forgiveness every Sunday and I don’t know how to explain salvation to her in words she would understand. 2. She lives with my ex husband/her dad. He lets her date someone I think is an unbeliever. Why would he do that when, while we were married, he “preached” not to date an unbeliever to our oldest two kids? Would he be doing that because she’s the youngest? Because he’s married again? Because he’s in his 50s now?
    Thank you.

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