I don’t remember his name, and I don’t know where he served. What I remember is that God was “all over” him.
He was a missionary speaking in my church in Ohio, and the apparent power of God in Him was almost palpable. I asked him later that day how he had so experienced God’s power, and his answer later changed my life: “I prayed for God to break me of my self-dependence.”
That wasn’t the answer I wanted. In fact, it was a Sunday afternoon, and I instead wanted all the power of God in me before our Sunday night service—preferably, without my needing to change. My wife, Pam, and I began to pray, though, for God to break us. It wasn’t an easy prayer to pray, and God’s response to that prayer led to some faith-stretching, painful moments over the next several months.
What I learned, though, was that I much more experience the power of God when I’m broken under His loving hand. It was then that I learned the reality of “when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:10). And, I’m convinced that I was a better leader when God alone was my strength in my brokenness. Here’s why:
- Through my brokenness, God peeled back the layers of my heart. He wouldn’t leave me alone until I had dealt with my sin. Over and over again, He showed me my arrogance and called me to Him in repentance and humility.
- Through my brokenness, God led me to pray more. That’s what happens when God takes you to your knees at your own invitation. From my knees, I could somehow see more clearly how to lead my church.
- Through my brokenness, God grew my love for His Word. Even though it was at times “woundingly wonderful,” the Word came to life for me when I would read it while on my face. That changed my devotions since then.
- Through my brokenness, God taught me dependence. My personal strength had been a detriment to my leadership, not an asset. I had been praying primarily only when I faced something I could not first fix. All of that changed when I could only lean on Him.
- Through my brokenness, God taught me to love my wife more. When your wife walks beside you as God works over your heart and drives you to your face, you learn to appreciate her faithful love more. And, we lead better when we first lead and love better in our homes.
- Through my brokenness, God focused my attention on His kingdom more than my kingdom. I had my own plans for how God would use me, but my attention had been riveted on doing God’s work for my glory. That focus changes when God reduces you.
- Through my brokenness, God began the process of taking me to the seminary to train others. It’s easier to commit to training others to do more than you’ve ever done after you’ve learned that you’re not all you think you are anyway.
- Through my brokenness, God taught me a new sense of His love. It’s one thing to talk about God’s sustaining love when it’s really just theory to you; it’s a completely different matter when God sustains you through brokenness. His love is uniquely sweet in the valley.
Now, I suspect the Lord is teaching me some of these same things as I realize how insignificant I am without Him. Perhaps He’s teaching you, too.
