These words from Kent Hughes’ book, Disciplines of a Godly Man, grabbed my attention when I first read them years ago – primarily because they caught me by surprise:
Men, if you are married, your wife must be your most intimate friend, but to say, “my wife is my best friend” can be a cop-out. You also need Christian male friends who have a same-sex understanding of the serpentine passages of your heart, who will not only offer counsel and pray for you, but will also hold you accountable to your commitments and responsibilities when necessary.[i]
Years later, I think Dr. Hughes was right on target. Here are 11 reasons guys need male friends in the church:
- God created us to be in relationship with others. God’s saying it was not good for Adam to be alone (Gen. 2:18) was an indication that He did not create us to be loners. Friendships with other males are one means God has given us to meet this requirement.
- Men need to disciple men. Frankly, too few men in the North American church have really been discipled. We will not fix this problem if men have no friendships with other Christian men in the first place.
- Many men did not have a healthy relationship with their father. Many men have had a weak, if not non-existent, relationship with their father. That failure to fulfill God’s design has left men wanting role models.
- Men need examples to help us fulfill Eph. 5:25. We know we need to love our wives as Christ loved the church, but those of us who did not have that model in our father need other men in our lives to show us the way.
- Accountability is best with others who understand our struggles. We can talk with our wives about our struggles, but only another man can understand the depth of our depravity (what Hughes calls “the serpentine passages of our heart”).
- We need prayer partners of the same gender. The right use of prayer time with a male friend can help us talk about our prayer struggles and encourage one another to pray with, and for, our spouses.
- Our children benefit from our friendships. I love working with missionaries because they know the benefit of their kids having “aunts” and “uncles” beyond their family. In our confused culture, our children can benefit from other faithful Christian men in their lives.
- We can model godly friendships for teen males. Young men (and older men, for that matter) can quickly move conversations in ungodly directions. They need to see that it’s possible to enjoy time together without compromising God’s standards.
- We need other men to push us to do good works. Hebrews 10:24 reminds us, in fact, that all believers need to provoke one another to love and good works. We need other men whose faithfulness challenges us.
- Church leaders need friends. Men who lead churches, but who do so without genuine friendships with other men in the church, are often lonely and isolated. That’s not a good place to be.
- We will need friends late in life. At the risk of being morbid, many of us will someday face life without a spouse. The friendships we develop now can help carry us through those days in the long run.
What other reasons would you add?
[i] Hughes, R. Kent (2007-05-01). Disciplines of a Godly Man (Kindle Location 993). Crossway. Kindle Edition.